The pain of infertility

By the summer of 2009, my husband and I were getting baby fever. Adam is four years older than me (and I'm no spring chicken in terms of reproductive years) and dreaded the thought of being an old dad. We decided to come off birth control and wait a few months before actively trying. By the fall, our baby fever was even worse and we began trying. Both of our parents were wanting grandbabies, so we chose to keep our "trying" a secret. Only a few people knew of our plan. And since I was in school, everyone assumed babies were put on hold. I knew in my heart it was going to be difficult to get pregnant. I had always had abnormally painful periods and had a feeling it meant something was wrong. My first OB/GYN was very insensitive and did nothing to investigate the cause of this abnormality. Since we were going to be officially trying, I changed doctors. I knew I needed someone different to bring my child into this world. My new OB/GYN instantly sent me for an ultrasound. The results showed blood filled cysts...which can be normal or can be an endametrioma, or endonetriosis of the ovary. Endametriosis is a major cause of infertility. The only way to definitively diagnose endametriosis is by biopsy, which would require surgery. Since we weren't that far into our attempted babymaking, we decided to wait and see. The cysts came and went, which was a good thing in that they weren't there all the time. The bad news: we weren't getting pregnant. Month after month there was still no baby. Each month gave us new hope, then renewed our disappointment. Looking back, I know we were lucky our journey ended with a baby after, in the grand scheme of things, a relatively short bout of infertility. But at the time, my heartache was huge. My compassion for the couples who try years and endure loss or no pregnancy is great. Perhaps I experienced this so I would have a greater appreciation for the miracle of life. After a year of trying, we were put on the first line drug of infertility-Clomid. I sincerely expected it to work on the first month, but it didn't. Instead I found myself sick as a dog. A few people thought I was pregnant and experiencing morning sickness. If only they knew how badly I wished that were the case! Luckily, I only had to endure one more month of Clomid. Yes, round two was successful...we were pregnant!