Sharing the greatest joy imaginable - part 2

Because I work in the medical field, I know too well that pregnancy doesn't always end in a healthy baby...or even a baby at all. Thus, we (along with most people these days) decided not to share the news with the world until 12 weeks, when the risk of miscarriage drastically decreases. We didn't even want to tell our families for fear something would happen and we'd all be majorly disappointed. We were exactly 4 weeks when we found out, which meant we had to wait 8 whole weeks to tell anyone. Adam and I decided we needed to tell someone else, so we chose to tell our best friends. My best friend Mandy was already an ear for my infertility issues, so it was exciting to finally get to share good news. Now 2 more people had to keep a secret. The first family member to find out was my sister. She knew we were on Clomid (no other family members knew), and she asked me how that was going. I could tell she suspected something, so I caved and told her that the Clomid did its job. Little did we know she'd have her own exciting news to share in a few weeks! Yes, Lisa found out she, too, was pregnant before anyone new I was pregnant. I had an exact date, but Lisa did not...so we had no idea whose baby was supposed to come first! After going to our first doctor's appointments, we both had pictures and due dates. Mine was June 26 and hers July 15...3 weeks apart. We (Lisa, Curt, Adam, and I) decided to tell our (mine and Lisa's) parents together. They were going to find out they had TWO grandbabies on the way! I had to work on Thanksgiving, so we got together the weekend afterward to celebrate. We got together a big box of baby stuff and a framed picture of both our ultrasounds was placed on the top. We told my parents the four of us got them a Christmas present that they needed before Christmas, so they had to open it now. We found out later they thought we had gotten them a trip to the beach and that towels were in the box. They definitely did not expect the news they were about to receive. When they opened the box, they were so confused. They finally figured out it involved a baby, but still didn't realize we were both pregnant. Finally, it clicked...and lots of happy tears followed! We told Adam's family the same way...a box of baby goodies with our framed ultrasound on top. They figured it out pretty quick, and we all shed more tears. Both families were caught on tape, and watching these videos still make me cry. Our greatest joy was now one of their greatest joys!

Sharing the greatest joy imaginable

When I got off the airplane and saw Adam, it was SO hard not to tell him. But I wanted the moment to be special...after all, he'd been anxiously awaiting this moment, too. Since I had a good year to think about how I would tell him, I had some ideas. But since I had been out of town, most of my ideas wouldn't work. I had made some frames with the thought of putting ultrasound pictures in them for the grandparents, so that was one option. Of course, Adam immediately suggested we go out to eat...although all I wanted to do was get home and somehow tell him the good news, I had to take him up on the offer so he wouldn't get suspicious. When you try for awhile to get pregnant, days of a cycle become very important to both of you...so he knew the general time frame of when we could test. After what seemed like forever, we finally made it home. I had a special digital test at home I'd been saving for when I told Adam. I quickly took that and immediately it said, "PREGNANT." That was the first time I'd actually seen those words referring to me. I got that test, the baby frame I had made, and a few pregnancy books and put them on the bed. Then I called Adam upstairs, telling him I had brought him back something from Florida (of course I really did bring something back from that trip, but obviously it was there before). When he came in the room, I could see the look of confusion on his face. Then the words on that digital test finally registered. "Are you serious?" was repeated several times. He, too, just couldn't believe it had finally happened. We shared lots of tears of joy that day. We were finally going to have a baby!

My greatest discovery

In October 2011, I headed to Florida for a week for a NNP conference. One of the learning tracks at the conference was a review for the NNP boards, so several of my school friends and I decided to attend. It was during this week that I started experiencing what I will call real and genuine pregnancy symptoms. When you experience infertility (or maybe I should say that when I experienced infertility), your mind wants so badly to be pregnant that you really think you're experiencing pregnancy symptoms. I can't tell you how many months I got a little too excited (perhaps every month?!) because I had some of the signs of pregnancy. Clomid made this even worse with the nausea and whatnot. By now I'd had too many months of disappointment that I finally was ignoring these so called symptoms. But this month was different. Little things caught my attention...my entire body looked blue because all of a sudden there were veins everywhere. I needed a two hour nap in the middle of the conference (although if you've ever been to a week long conference, maybe that isn't abnormal!). Friday night, the night before I was coming home, we went to Busch Gardens. Since it was October, there was a Halloween event on the weekends, and so the rides were open at night. We rode roller coasters until midnight. I love roller coasters. And not once had I ever felt sick after riding one. Until now. There I was in my hotel room, head spinning and so nauseous. I attributed it to being so sleepy and riding these big roller coasters in the dark. When I woke up the next morning, I realized it was Day 28. That meant I could take a pregnancy test and know it would be accurate. Because I'd basically been taking one every month, I bought cheap test strips online and I just so happen to have brought one with me. I took it and let the required time pass while I was in the shower. As I was getting out, I saw the strip...2 lines. Maybe I still had water in my eyes. I dried my face again. Two lines. My heart started beating out of my chest. It is FINALLY positive! Then I started freaking out...I just rode all of those roller coasters! What did I do??!! I FINALLY get pregnant, and I ruined it! I mean, aren't there signs everywhere on roller coasters stating not to ride if you're pregnant? After a Google search, I felt better. But I still couldn't believe the news. Am I really pregnant?! I wanted to shout off the rooftops! Of course, I wanted Adam to be the first to know. I was quiet all morning and held in the news. On the plane, I seriously considered telling the stranger beside me what I was dying to share. In the end, Adam really was the first to find out. And holding in my secret that day was good practice...I was going to have to keep this quiet for 8 more weeks!

The pain of infertility

By the summer of 2009, my husband and I were getting baby fever. Adam is four years older than me (and I'm no spring chicken in terms of reproductive years) and dreaded the thought of being an old dad. We decided to come off birth control and wait a few months before actively trying. By the fall, our baby fever was even worse and we began trying. Both of our parents were wanting grandbabies, so we chose to keep our "trying" a secret. Only a few people knew of our plan. And since I was in school, everyone assumed babies were put on hold. I knew in my heart it was going to be difficult to get pregnant. I had always had abnormally painful periods and had a feeling it meant something was wrong. My first OB/GYN was very insensitive and did nothing to investigate the cause of this abnormality. Since we were going to be officially trying, I changed doctors. I knew I needed someone different to bring my child into this world. My new OB/GYN instantly sent me for an ultrasound. The results showed blood filled cysts...which can be normal or can be an endametrioma, or endonetriosis of the ovary. Endametriosis is a major cause of infertility. The only way to definitively diagnose endametriosis is by biopsy, which would require surgery. Since we weren't that far into our attempted babymaking, we decided to wait and see. The cysts came and went, which was a good thing in that they weren't there all the time. The bad news: we weren't getting pregnant. Month after month there was still no baby. Each month gave us new hope, then renewed our disappointment. Looking back, I know we were lucky our journey ended with a baby after, in the grand scheme of things, a relatively short bout of infertility. But at the time, my heartache was huge. My compassion for the couples who try years and endure loss or no pregnancy is great. Perhaps I experienced this so I would have a greater appreciation for the miracle of life. After a year of trying, we were put on the first line drug of infertility-Clomid. I sincerely expected it to work on the first month, but it didn't. Instead I found myself sick as a dog. A few people thought I was pregnant and experiencing morning sickness. If only they knew how badly I wished that were the case! Luckily, I only had to endure one more month of Clomid. Yes, round two was successful...we were pregnant!

The start of my new career

January 2009 After being a nurse for 2 years in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit for those outside of the medical world), I decided to officially go back to school to obtain my masters degree and become a neonatal nurse practitioner. This had been my plan all along, but new regulations required me to be a NICU RN for 2 years before becoming an NNP. The thought of going back to school is terrifying but, at least to me, necessary. After exploring my options, I decided on the University of Alabama at Birmingham. All in all, it would take me 2 1/2 years to finish while working full time. The difference in obtaining a higher degree in the nursing field versus other fields is clinical time. In addition to work and school and studying, I would have to get 720 hours of unpaid clinical time in the hospital during the course of theses 2 1/2 years. I couldn't comprehend how much time that really was until I was actually doing it. And crazily enough, I did most of those hours pregnant!

To blog or not to blog...

I've been thinking about writing a blog for some time now. I don't really think people will anxiously await my next post or be super entertained reading it, but I realized that my memory these days just isn't what it used to be. So, this blog is for me...so one day, I can look back on these crazy days when I started 2 new stressful, hectic, scary, and amazing jobs...mother and neonatal nurse practitioner. Without further ado, my stories.